Feeling so lazy.
Shall cut it short.
Just read iris blog and find that both our situations are so different yet so similar.
She is just like the other version of mine and I'm of hers.
But yet the end result is still the same.
All boils down to the phrase "letting go".
Be it who initiated it.
However, why is it much easier in telling others how to go about doing it and yet at the same time you do know that's the way to treat yourself too.
Heh. Ironical is it?
Humans are just self complicating creatures.
But i have to admit that i have a much easier time letting go compared to her.
Cause hers went through year after all.

Hey ger just wanna tell you be strong k.
As I said no one can judge you and ken.
And try not to judge yourself too ya.
Time will heal all and all will be forgotten as time passed by.
After all, you have lotsa peeps out there rooting for you sweetie!
Huggss


I'm happy with what i have now.
Though a little greedy part of me still hopes to have that bit more of attention.
But the next best thing will be her being back by my side.
Hoping that day will come

I'm feeling very lazy to blog but yet i must record my victory of the day
Koonie finally passed her BASIC theory.
*pats on shoulder*

A shocking news was unveiled.
Can't believe how small this world is =))
Misunderstandings may it be.
Just shocked that my dull life still somehow managed to arouse your curiosity.
Somehow or rather, the past came gushing back like a flow of river.
Bus 16.
The long bumpy road to indoor stadium.
The fall that make us laugh from kallang to somerset.
The late nights ice cream talks over at swensen.
The tiny yet strong shoulders that you once offered me.
The quarrels.
The unhappiness.
The lousy week over at some sucky factory in Tuas.
Our tears.Joy.Bitterness.
Whatever it maybe. Thanks for being part of my life once.
If ever we do cross each others' path again may be be forgotten.
I do somehow miss you.my friend.

























The sweet little prince.
One look at him and all unhappiness' gone in a flash








Night falls and another day just zapped passed me.
Every now and then i'll stop to think why.how.what if.can i.i hope.will do.if only. I
do hope that i can and if only.Why must it and how can it be.
Regrets' a hard thing to live with isn't it.
I'm waiting for the day to get released.

Hardly have enough rest and yet i'm up at 1 plus in the afternoon to get my day rolling.
Majongs.Yougurts.Water.Laughter.Restlessness.Longing.A wave of sadness here and then.Crankiness.Silence.
Adelene, colleen, yilin and guy and eeki filled up the emptiness of my off day.
After which we headed down to chong pang nasi lemak to have our long awaited dinner.
Heh
Saw hao fong and chen.
Asked hao whether he can give us a lift back and he readily agree!
Rocks man

Decided to do delicate a few mins to introduce one of the nicest guy i ever met =))
Anyone interested can tag my blog
Guy 23.Single.Mr kind soul.Healthy.Fit.Even to no temper.Joker.Good husband material.
Holds a stable job and easy to get along with.
Ta da~~~ Here is the most eligible bachelor of the year!
Mr Boo li hao
























Wahaas i think i'm being lame.Cause i'm freaking bored.
Tendered my resignation.
Just hope that i can find another job before my last day...


Msg her about meeting up next week and she replied me
I'm so glad.
Things are really turning a tad better for me =))


Had a short msg session with you.
Somehow or rather i can sense your restlessness.Though i'm uncertain of what it evolves around.
Deep down I feel that you yourself are unsure of what you really want.
By giving up on 1 might gave you more space and time to sort your own life out?
Because you are not a person who can perform 2 tasks at the same time.
I don't know how right I am in guessing all this.
But right now this is the impression you gave me,
I felt more at peace with myself after msging with ya.
Felt as if the last stubborn steak in me has let go of that heaviness which has occupied my heart for the past 1 week.
A hint of sadness tugged at my heart because I'm not the one you will turn to anymore.
A hint of reluctance to accept nothing but the truth.
I do miss you. The times we spent.The things we did
But yet i feel i'm on the correct path to recovery.
I'm waiting for the day when i think about you, i will be able to smile upon the sweet memories that you gave me instead.
All the best to your life from now on.
But i'll there if you ever need a listening ear.

Just got home and i'm super woofer shagged.
Drink a tad too much and feeling a little queer in my tummy though.
But the feeling of highness rorrss big time!
Firstly was sevian's birthday bash over at Oriental hotel and then over to MOS with eeki and gang.
Was planning to leave early but hadassa came over with jj thus resulting in my late arrival over at MOS. heh
Saw lotsa peeps over there and as usual saw hao and gang.
Hao and gang is a tard.
Hao with the forehead tapping.
Fong with the shorty dance and chen with the weird weird look.
I'm so sleepy now till i don't know what to say.
Yawns~

Day spent yesterdy was fulfilling!
Went over to body shop to get what I want, back home to change for clubbing wear and back to town to meet adelene, colleen and eeki!
Before that was neo print session.
Thousands of years since I last took it.
Shall upload our glamorous pictures soon!


After our delicious dinner over at PS's food court, we headed down to Ben's and Jerry!
Had my LONG AWAITED chocolate brownie ice cream.
It taste absolutely wonderful and melt just right in your mouth.
Had losta laughter with eeki, adelene and colleen!
My evening was fun filled lame jokes and lame actions.I just couldn't stop laughing!!
Especially “ $35 for a goal "
The 3 of you will get what I mean ya!
Slacking over at B&J, we managed to catch the 2st-half of the match between KSA and ESP.
David Viller is such a cute hottie!
wahha. I almost can't dragged myself away from the match when bran and his friends are ready to meet us.


Happy birthday teddy!
He was as drunk as a drunken prawn.
Could hardly even walk and he chose to crawl out of the cab instead.
Other then the drunk brithday boy, our dear desmond was also vomitting along with wei dian
Tsk Tsk~The guys should really brush up their drinking skills.
Went down to MS to meet the gang and headed down over to MOS.
Music was so so but alcohol level went up high for everyone.
Got losta "guis" in MOS!
Luckily there's kelvin and desmond to fence up ard and chase all those "guis" away..


Got to rush out later.
First to the Hospital and next to leong's celebration
Leong's celebrating his birthday today over at a high end hotel. woot.
So got to rush and packed up stuff for him.
Hotel stay = to free gym, swimming and spa.
Rorrsss
After leong hotel's, needa head down to DBL O then maybe MOS
(provided the guys' not drunk)
All rights. time to head offfff..

I couldn't make it for the interview today.
Opps. Did not wake up in time.
But well change the timing to another day though.

Had subway again with yilin
Its rorrs.
I'm so glad to have them by my side =))
Yilin, colleen and adelene..
They make my working life so fun and less miserable.


Finally get my VS2 battery!
Along with the battery there's another sweet surprise!
Brian got me a box of chocolate. Aaha isn't he just so sweet.
Chocolates can really warm my heart and send my spirits up.
Thanks alot ya.. i really did feel better

Don't know what to say anymore..
Just glad that my life is turning a little better

Just got home from a quick catching up session with bran and eeki.
Kind of tired though. Having a interview at 10a.m tml
Hope i can wake up!!


I can't wait to go bangkok!
Will be really broke next month i think cause will be using my pay to go hols.
A holiday will do me good i guess.



Fly me there soon!!!

After a long refreshing chilling out over at punggol end, I feel sooooooo much better.
The cold wind there blows away all my negative thoughts.
The calm sea with a few high tides here and then...
The cold breeze blowing straight at my face...
The city lightings shining from a far...
All's so peaceful and calming to the mind.
A few random thoughts.
A walk back to the past.
I feel so much alive now.
Thanks alot. =))






Its a bittersweet memory.
But i have no regrets

Days passed by but i don't feel alive at all.
I feel like a living dead cruising each day aimlessly, motionlessly.
I don't want to be like that.
I want to be able to laugh carefreely at myself at everything.
But whenever i'm laughing, my heart feels like crying.
I feel so cold inside. So frozen up.
Waiting, waiting for that miracle to melt that coldness and make me warm again.





I long to hook my arms through yours again
I long to lace my fingers through yours again.
I long to wake you up everyday again.
I long to see you smile at me again.
I long to feel your arms around me again.
I long to see your msgs appearing on my phone again.
I long to hear your voice again.
But i know all this won't not happen again...
Just let me have this little space to pen down everything i feel.
I will feel better and get stronger.
Cause time heals all wounds isn't it....

I miss 7.30am wake up calls and 12pm lunch talks

My heart's feeling heavy but yet lighter then yesterday.
My tears' running like a tap leak instead of a river flowing.
Someone asked me do I have any regrets. I don't know it myself.
If I could just turn a blind eye to that msg that night all this heart retching moments would not be with me now.
But yet if i had turned a blind eye to it, i would not experience a whole new feelings that i had not have before.
I'm not angry or bitter over it but I do feel disillusioned and bluffed.
Reasons, lies, explainations, promises and honey-coated words are just a package to a relationships. Nothing can be more true to how your heart do feel.

But yet i'm glad that its through all this i still find a group of you all rooting for me.
I'm touched really.
I promised all these will pass
A little more time is what i need...







"Don't be afraid to open your heart up to me.
i promise i would not break it into pieces"
What sweet words is was then filing up my heart with tenderness.
But yet these are the words which make my heart go cold ad heavy now.

Is there a tap i can turn it off somewhere?

I've learnt and i've grown.
Still want to thank you for these past 4 months.
At least i dare to face my own feelings bravely.
Tears do flow but i do grow.

Thanks eeki for being there for me.
Just a little disappointed though cause i hope she will be there too.
But its okay. There are times where i got to face it alone.
This where i grow ya.
Thanks eeki.huggss





i realise i can breathe again

Work was with Colleen the bread and adelene the silkair lady -to-be.
As usual bread was laughing non stop for dunno whatever reasons =))
Was busy like hell and it took me a long time to clear and set up club.
Requested to leave work early cause I thought that jusmin's competition was at 11 plus instead of 7.30pm =S
Thus I did not make it to support her but well, went down momo still.
She got into finals!! congrats babe!!

Meet eeki over at PS first before cabbing down to Club Momo.
Was almost shocked to death by the air stewardess' make up. Its really "gei gei". whaha but well eeki still look pretty after all. Cause we conducted a brief survey that most guys like "gei gei" faces.
Peter Brandon, CHYE the NS Man, shuan and Calvin were there too to show their support for Jusmin representative of Spain.
Was rotting, drinking and football watching. After that walked and cabbed down to MS for supper......
Was so tired this morning and I've only 1 and half hour of sleep and I'm off to work.
*Yawns*







I'm so tired of all this but yet I don't feel a hint of regrets.
Maybe I'm not used to as in my past it never seems to be a problem.
I don't blame anyone for anything.
I don't need anyone to pledge their loyalty to me.
I do not need judgements. repeat. Do Not
All I need is their understanding. Touch your heart and search your soul.
Ain't anyone guilty of that at all?
I did my best for some and I apologized for some.
But for those who I did my best for, what's your approach?
Treat me with the same or just push it all away and back to tell me I've not done enough.
I know for some I've take more then what i gave. But for others, I swear upon my soul I gave more then taking.
I know as something snowball, it will get bigger and bigger burdening onto us. Thus we get tired and just wish to unload all and f*uk it.
I do wish too.
Humans do err. That's where somethings called "explanation" "communication" "chances" "mutual understanding" exist.
They existed for humans to correct what they err.
They existed for humans to anknowledge they mistakes and grow from it.
They existed for humans to be given a second chance and not let what has happened to trap them in the past instead of moving forward.
Ever have the feeling of being misunderstood and not given a damn f*uking chance to clear things up.
Ever have the feeling of just hoping the ground will just swallow you up and you can disappear without a care .
Ever hoping you can balance everything in your life?
Feelings, hopes, despair, anger, disappointment, resentment, expectations more and more.
When will all this ever end and everyone can live happily ever after........


I'm tired really tired
I can feel all slipping away

Went chilling with colleen and adelene after work. After much aimless loitering and lotsa pondering, we decided to settle down over at Cartel.
Being there with them gave me 2 type of mixed feelings at the same time...
I'm giggling and laughing like nobody's business but yet my heart inside's feeling heavy.
This is not a very good feeling...

I realise i'm missing her..
I miss waking up in the morning to the msg of her asking me to cartel to study together.
She studying for her test or doing revision, habouring and telling me how she wanted to become the top student. Me holding the "almost torn due to overstuding and forever failing" basic theory book.
Yakking away the latest gossips and what a fashion dis Miss E is. How the 2 bellas are dressed up today.
Lotsa of random thoughts to each other.
Our darkest fear and worries.
My deepest thought to her and sometimes her to me.
Laughing at almost everything and nothing at all.
The rolling of eyes whenever a lame joke or remarks made.
Where did you go?
I miss you so..

I'm feeling kind of empty now.
Cause i'm having a little crisis here with the 'oh-what-am-i-going-to-do-in-the-future" thought.
Had a little conversation with one of my guest over at my hotel.

Guest:
Have you been to shangai?

Me:
Not at the moment. Although i would like to do so there. Cause i heard quite a lot about shanghai.

Guest:
What will be your purpose being there? Work or holidays?

Me:
I've thought about working there but well i've got no contacts.

Guest:
What do you plan to do there?

-dumbfounded-
Me:
I'm not sure....

Guest:
Surely you have a goal in mind?

-Stumped-
Me:
Ermmmm. I don't not what i want......

See..... He a really nice guy and he gave me some pointers and so on. Encouraging me to find my goal in life.
But well, where do i start with????



I feel drifted from all..

My heart's dying slowly with the withering world.
How come all seems so irritating and everything gets on my nerve.
How come I don't see hope everywhere or new beginnings anywhere.
Am i the one who's turning a blind eye to all beautiful things that's happening or its just the ever changing for the worst world that's making me to feel like this.






I'm slowly dying inside... save me anyone.
Will you?

Lots are leaving.
Seeking a new life with new hope and new anticipation.
Is this what I want?
In the first place I do hope so... But later on things that happen and interacted with prove me another story..
Tsk
Seek for a new ground? Or to stay put on a safe ground?



Its not a feeling which I want too.
I'm not feeling insecure of unsure of myself.
Its just the initial step taken to handle it's wrong.
Like what you once told me..
Once the initial step taken was a wrong move, nothing can change the first impression made.
I don't want to be view as some petty emo creature.
And once again
What can be done to change that initial ugly impression?
Let's just hope all this nonsensical emotions would not run high again.



What causes one to lose grip on their emotions and get so irrational.
The closest party around them?
The 2nd party affecting the closest party around them?
The place? The environment? Usage of words? The action? Body languages?
sometimes words are cheap and yet at times words are just pure devil acting with evilness.
I guess humans at times are ugly creatures.
They hurt with words and actions. Yet at times, they can be so sweet with everything.
Hmmm but all in all i'm a human tooooooooo